Izanami's Very Secret Diary
by the mythologist
Summary: Izanami-no-Okami's very secret account of the events of Persona 4. Contains spoilers, and general silliness. Rated T for sexual subjects, and mention of teenagers getting it on. Pairings: Souji/Rise, Everyone (wanting)/Souji, Kanji/Naoto, slight Yosuke/Chie, one sided Yosuke/Souji, and one sided Izanami/Dojima. In the style of Cassandra Carris's Very Secret Diaries.


**I do ****not o****wn****:**

ATLUS (Persona 4)

The Very Secret Diaries (Cassandra Carris)

Bleach (Tito Kubo)

Power Rangers (I don't even know, but the reference is slight)

The Big Long Persona 4 Comic (Hiimdaisy)

**Spoilers ****for ****True ****Ending****. ****Otherwise ****general ****silliness****.**

* * *

_**Izanami**__** (**__**no**__**-**__**Okami**__**)'**__**s **__**Very **__**Secret **__**Diary**_

**Day**** 1:**

Took job as gas attendant. Step 1 in plan to swathe world in writhing shadows and utter darkness complete!

**Day**** 2:**

Came into contact with boring policeman today. Worst haircut I have ever seen. Wonderful voice though – put in mind of men in red jumpsuits and inexplicably attractive ginger asians with massive...swords. V. strange, although somewhat amusing to imagine both at once.

**Day**** 3:**

Interacted with whiny politician today, and wondered about spot on forehead. Suspect he colors it himself to look distinguished...or French. Cannot imagine why, but will look into this.

**Day**** 6:**

Intrigued by the brightly colored plastic squares in men's bathroom. Wonder why they aren't in the women's. Will watch closely to determine use.

**Day**** 8:**

Met final player in my Quest for World Domination. Was not expecting the hair. Am seriously beginning to suspect there is something in the water, else at a loss to explain all these...eccentric fashion decisions. He is otherwise quite attractive, and foresee many cat-fights in the future. V. excited. May finally get to determine the usage of those plastic squares – or condoms, as I am told.

**Day**** 18:**

Protag and annoying sidekick(s) formed some sort of investigation team today. Protag frightened them quite badly when showing off in Junes. Believe Annoying Sidekick #1 wet pants in appreciation. Annoying Sidekick #2 did not, thus proving minimal amounts of mettle.

Not entirely sure Protag is choosing team wisely.

**Day**** 22:**

Getting quite annoyed with Annoying Sidekick #1's haircut. Always flopping in front of his face, especially when doing nancy little flip routine every time he summons persona. Clearly trying to impress protagonist. Too bad it only impresses Bear.

**Day**** 27:**

Tried steak today, to see why Annoying Sidekick #2 obsesses over it so. Can quite see why. Have decided I like her best, if only for culinary purposes.

**Day**** 32**:

Investigation team certainly growing. Now includes what is clearly a Shadow in adorably fuzzy bear form, and a young lady that makes even ME uncomfortable. Am sensing great reluctance in the protagonist's part. Probably beginning to realize that everyone in Inaba is insane.

**Day****: 39.**

Bored again. Aren't they TRYING? Can they not SEE where this is going? There is only one man over 6 foot tall in Inaba and they can't even realize it's him? Am past the point of questioning their intelligence. Suspect Protag is as well.

**Day**** 42:**

WHY IS SHE LAUGHING IT ISN'T EVEN FUNNY.

**Day**** 50:**

Rescued questionably gay anti-biker ruffian. Am disappointed to see he wears a considerable amount more clothes in the real world than in his shadow world. Even more so to see the hair. Still, it will be interesting to see if he falls for the Protag as quickly as the others seem to.

**Day**** 60**:

The bear pleases me. Except for the puns, those must go.

**Day**** 62:**

Finally spied upon Protag's home life, and have come to two conclusions: the teeny human girl is utterly enchanting (those pigtails! Adorable!), and her father makes a goddess want to roll over and beg. _Rawr__._ Wonder what the policy is on goddess/human interactions these days? Will _definitely_ have to look into this.

**Day**** 78:**

Unsure whether or not Knitting Nightmare is in love with Protag. Seems to be drawn more to that pint-sized man/girl/thing_. _Annoying Sidekick still overprotective though and is pretending to be disgusted by any alternative lifestyle choices. Hmph. Not fooling _anyone__._

**Day**** 80:**

Saved gloomy Starlet today. Finally, a hairstyle I can appreciate. Suspect this one will be a formidable foe in the war for Protag's heart, judging by the sly glances bestowed upon Steak, Annoying Sidekick, and Uncomfortable. Most out of character. Have high hopes.

**Day**** 90:**

Am beginning to suspect Protag finds perverse enjoyment in folding envelopes.

**Day**** 91:**

Foolishness. Origami cranes far superior.

**Day**** 100:**

Well I never. Some fish-eyed, teenage upstart is pretending to be ME? Will not stand for this. Have unleashed Investigation Team upon his sorry ass, and will glory in his ultimate defeat.

**Day**** 106:**

Starlet most definitely at evil genius levels of social manipulation. Within days of her installment, Steak had been diverted onto the path of Annoying Sidekick; Uncomfortable has been rendered even more so with mortifying tales of her domestic inadequacies; Annoying Sidekick is still caught in the flash of popstar brilliance (and shapely teenage legs), and Knitting Nightmare has been drafted into her personal army. Protag seems bewildered. I am impressed.

**Day**** 112:**

Annoying Sidekick madly in love with Protag. Beginning to wonder why no one (else) has noticed this.

**Day**** 120**:

Ugh. Understand B'Girl detective is vital component of the Team, but her artificial pitch is grating last nerve. Do not understand why no one realizes _he_ is a _she__. _Sometimes seriously doubt Team's ability to apprehend correct culprit, let alone reach me.

Am depressed.

**Day**** 133:**

Hurrah for Team! Rescued B'Girl and finally have a chance at solving crime. Am now quite certain Knitting Nightmare has (somehow) resisted Protag's allure – clearly head over heels for B'Girl. B'Girl utterly oblivious. Feel quite sorry for him, as does Starlet. Hope she will turn her sights onto them after landing Protag.

**Day**** 147:**

Some sort of school function today. Desperate, middle-aged teacher up on stage in a bikini. Am quite certain Detective SexyPants Dojima would not be impressed.

Suspect Protag voted for the Fat One, simply to avoid the jealous fallout of other girls.

Suspect Annoying Sidekick voted for Protag.

**Day**** 150:**

Why can't Detective SexyPants be on the Investigation Team?

**Day**** 151:**

Throw him in myself, if need be.

**Day**** 159:**

Enchanting Youngster was kidnapped today. Am quite sad, although I recorded her father's heartfelt reactions for... undisclosed purposes. Hope Protag stops mucking about with the Jock Boyfriends long enough to stage rescue.

Polishing balls, indeed.

**Day**** 170:**

Daring rescue marred by Namatame's gibberish. Was he always like this? Perhaps I didn't notice, as I was blinded by Inaba's general level of crazy. Annoying Sidekick was most upset, possibly because Starlet finally made move on Protag the night before. Mixed feelings about this. On one hand, Protag is no longer forced to deal with the hordes of Inabians inexplicably in love with him; on the other I – and Starlet – have now learned the existence of Protag's nipple ring.

Wonder if Detective SexyPants has nipple ring?

**Day**** 172:**

Bear disappeared into soul plane when faced with Enchanting Youngster's apparent demise. Did not realize he had (somehow) brought her back to life. Sense romantic pairing in sequel.

**Day**** 176**:

Finally witnessed correct application of "the condom." Am impressed. Nipple ring seems quite sensitive.

**Day**** 180:**

Haha! Protag finally roused himself from sexcapades to put 2 and 2 together. Kept Team from throwing Whiny into TV, much to Boring's chagrin. His time is numbered, and am certainly looking forward to his voice act- ahem, speeches. Hoping he makes more sense than Whiny.

**Day**** 190:**

Am a little concerned at Starlet's lack of subtlety. Failed plan to lock Knitting Nightmare and B'Girl in a room full of paint fumes to incite romance was not one to inspire confidence. Although did enjoy Knitting Nightmare's teapot dance.

Wonder if he has nipple ring too?

**Day**** 193:**

Losing faith with Starlet. Second plan had better foundation, yet ultimately thwarted by Annoying Sidekick – why he had to enter 1st floor men's bathroom at _that__precise__moment_ is beyond me. Prior to this things were looking up, however. Especially when Knitting Nightmare kicked stall door dramatically, and B'Girl gasped in appreciation.

Better be appreciation. _I_would appreciate it.

**Day**** 197:**

Team finally got off their asses and accused Boring of being not so much. No gibberish, although he did run off in a huff. Suspect he was hanging around for Dojima and cannot blame him. Hung around myself for shamefully long period of time to see Dojima undress. No nipple ring, but 6-pack to make Amaterasu blush. *Fans self wildly. *

**Day**** 200:**

Fog is horrendous. Terrible for skin. Yet hides all the bad hairstyles of Inaba, and makes it easier to spy on sexy widower detectives...and their nephews. Starlet v. bendy. Also caught Steak and Annoying Sidekick in the throes of what was either a pantless fight to the death or rather violent sex.

Am disappointed Knitting Nightmare and B'Girl still not together. Starlet's latest scheme – naked wrestling tournament. Did not expect scheme to fail, although also did not expect Uncomfortable's attempt to join in. B'Girl visibly annoyed. Only matter of time.

**Day**** 203:**

Whiny defeated! As well as Shadow Baby, but am not at all surprised. He was whiny too, and clearly Universe has it in for annoying organisms. Now, to sit back and wait for them to come to ME.

**Day**** 215:**

Still waiting.

**Day**** 222:**

Bored. Why aren't they here yet?

**Day**** 240:**

Hurrah! Knitting Nightmare and B'Girl got it on at last! It took (after three more failed attempts) a pulled fire alarm; Naoki Konishi; stuffing Uncomfortable into bear suit; and a moment of indiscretion on part of Protag, but underage loving has finally commenced!

Was most impressed by B'Girl's enthusiasm. Clearly knows good thing when sees it. Even more so by Knitting Nightmare's endowment.

No nipple rings, however.

**Day**** 299:**

Protag finally found me today. ON HIS LAST DAY. Had to pretend was not hurt, and did not expect him to find me. Otherwise might have lashed out in murderous rage. Still. 12 more hours won't hurt anybody but them.

**Day**** 300 ****Part**** 1:**

ARGH!

**Day**** 300 ****Part****II****:**

Cannot understand it! Where does Izanagi find the nerve? First he locks his wife (the Great and Illustrious ME) in the Underworld, and now he stops her quest for World Domination?

**Day**** 300** **Part****III****:**

Lost ultimate battle with Protag. Only thing I remember clearly is Protag whipping his glasses off dramatically. Such humiliation. Can already hear Japanese pantheon chortling away in the heavens. Am most displeased.

**Day**** 300 ****Part****IV****:**

Only one thing for it. Find Dojima, and convince into donning shiny new nipple ring.

Will first take form of attractive woman _without_ gleaming red eyes, elongated skeletal backbone and demons braids, yet then will make it worth his while!

...

...

...

...

**I ****mean****, ****I ****think D****ojima ****was ****a ****total ****hottie****. **

**I ****just ****spent ****the ****last ****week ****and ****a ****half ****powering ****through ****the ****entire g****ame****. ****Took ****about**** 85 ****hours****, ****on ****top ****of ****working**** 40 ****hour ****weeks****. ****Hopefully****, ****with ****this ****my ****obsession ****will ****be ****overcome****. ****I ****thank t****hee ****for ****your ****indulgence****!**

**R****&****R**** (****if ****you ****know ****what ****I****'****m ****sayin****')**


End file.
